Like me you’ve probably heard someone say something like,  “You should talk less and listen more, that’s why God gave you two ears and one mouth.” While I’m not sure that is why God proportioned us the way He did, I have found that listening is one of the most important skills a person can develop. In my work training mental health counselors I often tell them that the most useful skill they can acquire is listening. As an executive director I find that listening to someone who is frustrated or angry goes a long way in helping to resolve their concern. When we take the time to listen, really listen, so that we comprehend at a very deep level what someone is trying to communicate, it creates a connection. It communicates to the other person that we genuinely want to understand their message. Quite frankly, until we have really listened to someone we are not prepared give a meaningful response.   Developing our listening skills  means being willing to hear things that we don’t agree with, that hurt our feelings or that make us angry. To do this well, we have to be able to allow the speaker to describe their experience without judging it as valid or not. It takes focus and hard work  to be aware of what is going on inside of us as we listen to the other person speak. Once we are aware of how we are reacting to the other’s words, we can, with practice, moderate our response to communicate understanding.

I have discovered that becoming a  good listener takes concentration and perseverance. Surprisingly though, once you make the commitment,you may find that more people want to talk to you.