Monthly Archives: December 2017

I need a jealous God.

Faith, Life
Photo by LoboStudio Hamburg

I pray a lot. One of the reasons I pray is that  I face problems that require solutions that I do not possess.

The other day I noticed I was feeling a small tinge of hopelessness as I prayed. At that particular moment I was addressing an issue that I had been praying about for a long time.  I moved on to  praying about another problem that too, seemed ominous and difficult. In the midst of my appeal I realized I was  believing  that my prayers might be weaker than the situations I was petitioning for. I was straining and pleading to be heard and was hoping for God to do something overt and powerful but somewhere deep inside I was perceiving  God as distant.

The source of my sense of weakness? My view of God had drifted to a god who was nice and caring but  not a god who could or would step in with force and make things right. My conceptualization of God had slipped into the Christian bookstore, marketing  version of “The Almighty”.  That version is a god whose words and images are displayed nicely on gift mugs and plaques.  Whose thoughts and truths are sold  in book after book after book with nice covers, on everything from marriage, to raising kids, to running a business, to prayer. The Christian bookstore god seems far away. Hard to know. Maybe too far off or passive to  deal with my issues.

I have real problems that require a living God to answer. I need the God  described in ancient Hebrew and Greek texts that answers when people call. The God who wants to step in and be known. I need  a Consuming Fire. I need a  jealous God. I need the God who rides on a white horse and brandishes a double edge sword. I need the God who trains hands for war. I need the  God who casts out the Accuser. I need the  God who made the sun stand still. I need the God whom the demons know and shake with fear of. I need the God who healed the lady with a bleeding disorder. I need  a God who isn’t safe, who no one can see and live.

I’ve known this God and I’ve seen him act.

Abba-Father please help me to keep my understanding of you true. Help me to not allow the many ways you get watered down in our culture change how I approach you and how I think about you.

 

 

 

 

The battle to lead starts in my mind.

Life, Topics in Leadership, Work

 

For me, the battle of  leading starts in my mind. Why do I call it a battle? Because good leadership means taking the high road, the ethical road, the humble road, the selfless road.   It takes courage. Too often, I am inclined to make  decisions  out of pride, out of fear,  out of selfishness, or out of people pleasing. This is the battle for my mind. I have seen many others in leadership roles have similar struggles. Somewhere deep inside  insecurities rise up. Often the reaction to the insecurities is to blame someone else for a problem, to be evasive rather than truthful when giving feedback, to minimize bad news rather than take it head on, or simply to avoid dealing with problems all together.

Why do I fight the battle for my mind rather than  give in? The organization I work for and the people I work with rely on me to make decisions that are best for the company. They rely on me to confront problems. They rely on me to make choices that move the agency forward. To make make choices that allow us to more effectively accomplish the mission of the agency.

So what I have I found that helps me fight this battle for my mind?

  1. I seek to know what my insecurities are, acknowledge them, and challenge them.
  2. I allow myself  to be open to criticism from anyone in our organization. I make it known that I have an open door policy and that I would rather people come and tell me any problem they have with me than talk behind my back.
  3. I work hard at listening to others and not being defensive when I am criticized. This is not easy but with practice it  becomes a great learning tool.
  4. I practice stress management. For me this involves what I like to refer to as my three kinds of medication. Exercise, journaling, and meditation/prayer using Scripture (Lectio Divina).

The thing about this battle is that it never ends. Pressures wax and wane.  Demands layer on top of each other. Every day, every month, every quarter, ever year brings new threats, new opportunities, and new challenges.

Those of us in leadership must actively engage the conflict between our insecurities and being the person  our organization needs us to be.