Like me you’ve probably heard someone say something like,  “You should talk less and listen more, that’s why God gave you two ears and one mouth.” While I’m not sure that is why God proportioned us the way He did, I have found that listening is one of the most important skills a person can develop. In my work training mental health counselors I often tell them that the most useful skill they can acquire is listening. As an executive director I find that listening to someone who is frustrated or angry goes a long way in helping to resolve their concern. When we take the time to listen, really listen, so that we comprehend at a very deep level what someone is trying to communicate, it creates a connection. It communicates to the other person that we genuinely want to understand their message. Quite frankly, until we have really listened to someone we are not prepared give a meaningful response.   Developing our listening skills  means being willing to hear things that we don’t agree with, that hurt our feelings or that make us angry. To do this well, we have to be able to allow the speaker to describe their experience without judging it as valid or not. It takes focus and hard work  to be aware of what is going on inside of us as we listen to the other person speak. Once we are aware of how we are reacting to the other’s words, we can, with practice, moderate our response to communicate understanding.

I have discovered that becoming a  good listener takes concentration and perseverance. Surprisingly though, once you make the commitment,you may find that more people want to talk to you.

My wife accuses me of saying “yes” too often. This year saying yes has made me the President of our local Rotary club, a mentor to junior high boys, co-chair of a Rotary fundraiser, an adult Bible class leader, a popcorn-maker in the high school band concession stand, chapel speaker, Church Elder, and adjunct professor. These roles of course, come on top of my full time job as director of a mental health center with 70 employees, completing my doctoral studies, having three young-adult daughters and being husband to an equally busy wife.  Mind you, saying yes has a price. I rarely sleep in, watch very little television, and sometimes double-book myself. Saying yes can lead you into situations that are hard, messy, leave you frustrated or disappointed with others, and make you tired. Keeping those costs in mind, the benefits of saying yes far outweigh the costs.  In the past twelve months I’ve developed friendships, had opportunities to make a difference in the lives of others, and by God’s grace, have much richer life. Therefore, here is my challenge to you: The next time you have a chance to do something that might seem a little messy or difficult, but that has the payoff of helping others, say “yes”. 

I am sure most if not all  top level leaders of organizations have a team of people who help run the company. As with any group of people,  within that cadre of managers a variety of personalities are represented. Those in that group with strong, outspoken personalities can often dominate the decision  making process. Creating an environment where the quieter more humble manager gets an equal opportunity to speak freely protects  the organization from being driven by the more outspoken leader’s biases. The quiet voice might be the one that saves the day.

I have made a commitment to give a least three thank you cards per week to the people I work with. I try to notice little things they do– extra effort, being faithful, being kind–whatever I find that I can thank them for. It is making a difference.  I hear  back from many of them about how the card makes their day. This had made me realize how long many of the people I work with go without a word of appreciation.  I also find that writing the cards fills me with a clean sort of energy. Committing to being a thank you giver– glad I did it.