In Leadership, There Are Good Days and There Are Bad Days.

Faith, Mental Health, Topics in Leadership, Work

 

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

The realty of leading an organization is that there will always be good times and there will always be bad times. The love for the work, the love for the mission , and a sense of the stress being temporary sustains a leader during the rough times.

This week I was having a conversation with a  friend of mine who also leads a nonprofit organization.  He was at his wits end and  in the midst of some really difficult issues with his staff. He described feeling stabbed-in-the-back,  ineffective, and be unable to lead his team. Several times in the conversation he talked about it being time for him to leave his job and move on.

I wanted to support my friend but I also wanted to be genuine with him. So I listened.  I told him about some of my dark times and times I wanted to quit. I also reminded him that the dark times pass. I shared my thoughts on how to manage this rough patch. I reminded him that organizations are dynamic and leadership is an ever evolving event. An organization is new everyday. Every day a leader can make decisions and take actions that reshapes things and solves problems to move the organization  toward accomplishing its mission.  And yet, there will still be challenging times.

After we had discussed the ups and downs of leading an agency, I reminded  my friend  he had all the skill he needed to get through this difficult period and continue to move the organization forward. I also told him that only he could decide if his love for the work and the mission  was enough to put up with the  nerve-wracking  times.

At the end of our talk I could tell by his voice that a sense of hope was rising. I’m glad.

Sometimes leading…

Faith, Life, Topics in Leadership, Work

 

Sometimes leading feels like I am walking in a stream, with the current and having a clear path. Everything flows nicely and gently.

Sometimes leading feels like I am walking in a stream against the current. It’s hard. My steps are slow and I get tired, but I must keep stepping forward.

Sometimes leading feels like I am walking in a stream against the current during a storm. I am getting really wet and weighed down by the rain. I slog against the current with a sense that I might go under.

Sometimes leading feels like I am walking in a steam in the dark with a lot of big rocks in the way. It’s hard to find the right path. I bump into few rocks when I’m trying to decide which way to go. I back up and try a different direction. Always guided by,
what is true,
what is right,
what is fair,
what is ethical.

Sometimes leading feels like walking in a stream, with the current on a bright warm day. And it all–
the good,
the bad,
the easy,
and the hard,
make sense.

 

I have decided after several conversations today that most people want to have things their way.

Faith, Life, Topics in Leadership, Work

I have decided after several conversations today that most people want to have things their way. The problem with this approach to life is that it  stalls momentum, kills creativity,  or moves things forward tainted by resentment.

What is the alternative? I have to turn to ancient wisdom:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. -Paul of Tarsus

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. -C. S. Lewis

 

 

 

 

Stay off this dark road.

Faith, Life, Mental Health, Topics in Leadership, Uncategorized

It happened this past week. I went down the dark road…I started to compare myself to someone else. The self-talk was something like, “Look how much more focused and further along in their career they are. Look how much more they have. Look how much better they have done. I should have done this. I should have done that.” The internal dialogue culminated in me feeling small and inadequate. I knew this exercise in self deprecation was wrong. I didn’t want to do it. It just sort of started to happen and somewhere deep inside it got rolling.

I went to The Creator and asked for help. First for forgiveness for the offense, then for restoration. The familiar voice, the one that runs deeper than the negativity, spoke back. It reminded me that I, like all of us, have a unique set of tools, handed down by my maker. I have a unique life to live. I have a mission…a job that is bigger than  me. This mission is for me to pour my heart, my mind, and soul into.  One  of my favorite quotes came to mind as I was getting back on track. It reminded me to focus on what I have rather than on perceptions of what I don’t have:  If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don’t hoard it. Don’t dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke (Brendan Francis). 

Whether you lead a business, a church, a nonprofit, or anything else, you must fight the the temptation to compare yourself to others.  It only  leads to dark places like frustration, anger, resentment or jealousy.   Focus on the talents, tools, and work the Creator has given you. You and everyone else will be better off for it.

Leading when you you feel lousy.

Mental Health, Topics in Leadership, Work

 

How do you handle a demanding day when your attention, your focus, your understanding, and your leadership are needed by your team and you are not feeling well? On Thursday I had that day.  I was tired and emotionally depleted having spent most of the previous day on the road traveling to and from a family funeral. I was leaving that Thursday afternoon​ for a long trip to my daughter’s graduation. That same day also happened to be the third in a row of labor intensive construction of a new electronic medical record at our agency. In addition, I had four different department meetings scheduled  to work through issues that required my best concentration and problem solving.  I was stressed and had a headache that felt like a vice grip from my shoulders up.

Days like this require an extra effort at self-control and self-awareness. I made this list of things I try to do on days I feel lousy while at the same time my focus and leadership are necessary.

  1. Decision making is one of the primary tasks of a leader. On a day you are feeling lousy give yourself more time to think through decisions. Tell your team you are considering options and need some time to think about it.
  2. When you feel lousy it may seem like everything is closing in on you. Find five minutes to go to your office, close the door, and do deep breathing exercises.
  3. When you are tired and stressed even little things can seem huge. Set up a mental rule to not respond to people who are making you feel irritated. Take deep breaths. Jot down a note about the thing that is irritating you and deal with it when you feel better.
  4. When you are stressed you may feel pressured to do something that in reality can wait. Go to a trusted coworker, tell them how you feel.  Ask them point blank if your thinking on a subject is clear and if a decision can wait.
  5. Drink a lot of water.
  6. Focus on simple tasks that take less mental energy.
  7. Go outside and walk around the building.
  8. When you are stressed it is easy to perseverate on the negative and make mountains out of mole hills. Have a positive, affirming verse, poem, or phrase to repeat in your mind when you became negative or feel overwhelmed.
  9. Think about what is going well so your view of problems gain some perspective.
  10. In order to use what energy you have where it is most important, reschedule any meetings that you can.
  11. Take care of yourself today so you can be at your best later.

Lessons from saying “thank you” to two long time employees.

Life, Mental Health, Topics in Leadership, Work

This week at work we spent time focusing on our staff. On Monday we had a staff recognition luncheon. We recognized staff for working at our agency for five, ten, fifteen, twenty and twenty-five years.  The big emphasis of the week; however, was on honoring the two staff members who have worked with the organization since it opened twenty-six years ago. Not only have they worked for the same organization since it opened but they have essentially been in the same jobs doing excellent work. They were each given their own special day.  They received awards, gift cards, flowers, and balloons to let them know how much their career long work is appreciated. We all wore buttons proclaiming the special day for each of the two and they got parking spots designated only for them. What made the week so uplifting was to see how much everyone enjoyed recognizing their co-workers. The two honored were all smiles and were genuinely appreciative. Here are some of the takeaways I had from being part of this:

  • It was fun to see the creativity, energy, and passion of the planning team.  They were committed to  making sure that our staff felt appreciated and honored for the commitment they make to be part of our agency. Being part of planning the celebration  meant a lot to the team.
  • The smiles and air of joy the two long term employees had on “their” day was awesome. It was planned as a surprise so when they saw the parking spots, the buttons, and the gifts  it was clear they were overwhelmed. Their smiles made everyone smile.
  • Staff recognized for their various lengths of stay felt acknowledged for reaching a milestone. It is important  to celebrate milestones.
  • The joy caused by showing someone how appreciated they are has a ripple effect.
  • It reinforced to me the fact that it takes a lot more than salary and benefits to make a good work climate. Most of us want to know our work has meaning and that we are making a difference. When the organization can give its members that feedback it improves the climate.
  • Celebrating achievements, both small and large, is essential for the morale of an organization.
  • Getting staff involved in planning shows them respect and turns out a better product. Diverse feedback and problem solving reduces the risk of negative unintended consequences or forgetting something important.
  • I often think about how blessed I am to have the great management team and staff around me that I do. I need to make sure that I tell people that when I think it.

Stressed out

Life, Mental Health

Since Monday I have had a chance to give four presentations about stress management to local high school students.  Its a topic near and dear to my heart because I have to work hard at it [stress management]  myself. Here is the gist of what I said to the teens.

A scale is a great way to think of stress management. We can’t avoid stress. Stress comes from the good things and bad things in life. The key is to balance the amount of stress we experience  with an equal or greater amount of coping skills.

  • A 2015 American Psychological Association  study found that teenagers (Millennials) report higher levels of stress than adults. (http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2015/snapshot.aspx).
  • Teens are sleep deprived and it leads to increased feelings of stress and anxiety. (https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2015/10/among-teens-sleep-deprivation-an-epidemic.html)
  • Greater use of social media may increase the likelihood of experiencing depression. ( http://www.upmc.com/media/NewsReleases/2016/Pages/lin-primack-sm-depression.aspx

The students I met with identified their top five stressors as:

  • Family issues (conflict).
  • School issues (testing, homework, difficulty with learning).
  • Money issues (not enough money for college).
  • Peer/Friendship issues (conflict, drama).
  • Depression.

We spent time talking about ways to counter the stress they feel. I shared the importance of taking care of our mind, body and spirit.

  • Exercise is very effective at helping the body manage stress and combat depression. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC474733/).
  • Journaling helps to put our thoughts on paper and untangle the mess in our head. (http://www.depressiontoolkit.org/takecare/journaling.asp)
  • Mindfulness has a growing body of research pointing to its benefits related to stress management. (http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/ce-corner.aspx
  • Additionally I suggested they…
    • Read good books
    • Keep a humor library
    • Carve in more time for sleep
    • Cultivate good friendships
    • Pray (and like in the AA 12 steps, believe that a power greater than themselves can restore them to sanity).