Leaders, 

Have you ever thought about how important your enemies are to you? If “enemies” is too strong of a word then think of the people in your organization, industry or community who oppose you with the most strength and frequency. Why are they so important? Because no one else in your life can do what they do for you. 

Your greatest enemies give you:

1. Regular opportunities to practice courage.  Sometimes thinking about our enemies  can lead us to experiencing fear or dread. This happens when we focus on how their actions could harm us or the organizations we lead. Practicing courage requires us to change our focus and to talk to ourselves rather than listen to ourselves. William Tecumseh Sherman is quoted to have defined courage as, “a perfect sensibility of the measure of danger, and a mental willingness to endure it.” It is likely your enemies, competitors, or opponents may be just as afraid of you as you are of them. Don’t simply focus on the power or leverage they have over you, but realize you too have power and leverage.  Sometimes we can get so focused on how we could be hurt  that we only see those aspects of our future. Choose, as General Sherman suggests, to push past that and explore your strengths and possibilities. Allow yourself to think outside the box. Get advice from a variety of types of sources. By focusing on what you can do rather than on what someone else might do to you will give you energy and help you grow in confidence. 

2. The chance to hone your problem solving skills. A focus on problem solving versus a focus on the problem is a life practice that will make you better at all aspects of leadership.  It is easy to become enamoured with an obstacle,  or adversary  in our life and perseverate on how much damage they could do to us.  Having a clear sense of the dangers that we face is healthy and a survival skill, but we must pivot to solutions or we become stuck in the unproductive cycle of worry, fear and anxiety. Thankfully we can choose what we think about and how we think about it. It takes practice  but over time and repetition we can get better at  being solution-focused rather than problem-focused. A problem-focused approach sees the potential dangers ahead and becomes increasingly trapped by them. Being solution-focused acknowledges the danger ahead and immediately pivots to using our personal strengths, our relationships, our knowledge and wisdom to solve the issue. Being solution focused decreases anxiety while  generating positive energy and creativity.  

3. The necessity to think tactically and strategically. Thinking strategically takes problem solving a little farther. It involves long range planning and requires a focus not only on solving the problem right in front of you but on changing how you operate in general. It helps you not only solve the initial problem but gives you a map to ultimately deal with the source of the problem. Your enemy may create many problems. Being strategic means pursuing a deeper understanding of your opponent’s personality, patterns, and motives. Being strategic usually means getting more people involved in helping you analyze your own position. A common and effective way to initiate the process is by doing a SWOT analysis. SWOT stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. With a team of people you trust to  give honest good advice, review these four items about yourself or your organization. From there you can begin the process of developing a longer range strategy that will make you problem solving even more fruitful.

4. The opportunity to have your deficits exposed in order to overcome them. We have a tendency to hide our faults or not put ourselves in situations where we have to operate out of our deficits. Enemies may put you in a situation in which you have to wade into your deficits and either improve those areas of leadership or find functional adaptations for them. Leaders who are  unaware of their deficits or who ignore them set themselves up for difficultes. Enemies can keep us on our toes regarding our deficits as often those who oppose us come at us in areas we are weak. Honest self awareness can be your friend. Examine the areas of your leadership domains that you struggle with. Be honest about important facets of leadership that you neglect. Leading an organization requires attention to organizational culture, organizational climate, team member  morale, human resource management, legal compliance, ethical practice, fiscal dilligiance, political awareness, and many other subtle and not so subtle areas. You are not skilled in all of them and you aren’t able to focus on all of them. Seek help.

5. The chance  to learn how some people are experiencing you. Thinking about how others experience us does not come naturally. We like to believe others see and feel our good intentions. The reality is they are experiencing  us through their own unique lens. This is one of the most surprising lessons I have learned over 16 years leading a nonprofit. People interpret and judge everything I do and say. Often their interpretations display mistrust and misgivings. The people I work with come in with a variety of preconceived notions, perceptions, expectations, and previous experiences with authority. We may create fear, doubt and distrust in others without even realizing it. As an organizational leader how often are your statements, even casual off the cuff remarks that you meant nothing by, interpreted completely differently than you intended? Consistent, fair, equitable, behavior that demonstrates a commitment to the agency’s mission and values and as much as possible the best interest of the employees is essential in gaining the trust of your co-workers. Your enemies’ experience and perceptions of you give you a chance to see how others may be thinking of you. This gives you the chance to act differently, in ways that will actually communicate what you are hoping to.  

6. The opportunity to change the whole paradigm by practicing what Jesus taught, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44).” Not everyone reading this may share this as a value. But just think of it. What if, by changing how you viewed your enemy you were able to turn them into a valued collaborator? True, this may not be possible with everyone, however, “…as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).”  Jesus teaches about his upside down kingdom where the “first shall be last (Mark 10:31),” and where the poor are blessed (Luke 6:20), where you’re encouraged to “turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39),”  along with loving  and blessing those who are against you. This paradigm shift certainly has the chance to transform relationships.  As much as it may impact your enemy it may transform you even more. By  choosing to love the person who is against you, how you relate and respond to them changes. You become more generous, more empowered, and move  into a new level of freedom.   

Friends as you go forward as a leader may your journey be blessed and may you be successful in turning your greatest adversaries into your greatest allies.

As much as anything else, work is about learning.  It is learning about what we are good at and what we enjoy. It is about striving to get better. Conversely, the learning we receive from a job can also involve finding what we do not like to do. We may discover we don’t care for the work, the clientele, the company, or the entire industry.  Finding out we do not like a certain job is important information and can teach us a lot about ourselves. Being unhappy at one job may propel us down a new path we love that we might not have otherwise considered. 

So what if you’ve found yourself unhappy in your job? Do not allow the discontent to overcome you. Rather, I suggest you consider one of the following two options. First, if you are not happy in your job but feel that the type of work is something you want to do and before you get so frustrated you become angry, go to your manager and have a heart-to-heart discussion. Tell them what you like about the work and what you struggle with. Ask your manager for suggestions about what you [the employee] could do differently. Tell them what you think they [the manager or company] could do differently. If you are working for a company that believes in employee development and you’ve demonstrated a willingness to work hard, then it is likely your manager will do what they can to help you. It is much better for a company to help an existing employee be successful than to start all over with a new hire.  In addition to speaking with your manager also figure out which of your co-workers are really successful and enjoy their jobs. Have a conversation with them. Find out how they do their work tasks, how they organize their day, how they handle the difficulties of the job, what they do for self-care, and what keeps them motivated. Learning from a successful co-worker may be just the thing you need to turn things around and excel. If however, you are convinced you are ready to give up on your current job and don’t want to give it a second thought, then I suggest you consider option number two.

The second option is this…leave gracefully. By this I mean do the following. First read the company policy on terminations. It will inform you of the organization’s expectations for you to leave on good terms. Follow the policy. Second, before resigning look for another job. Conventional wisdom says, “It is easier to find a job while you have a job.” Third, while looking for your new or transition job do not slack at the job you are leaving. Work hard and well. Fourth, once you have secured another job then give the company you are leaving the amount of notice of your departure they ask for in the policy. Leave on good terms. Don’t intentionally burn a bridge. The employer you are leaving may well be called on to give you a formal or more likely informal reference. We all need as many good references as we can get. 

Being unhappy at work happens to everyone at some point. For some it is a temporary mood or only a brief season. After all, even if we love our jobs, there are tasks involved with the job we do not like. If, however, you have a pervasive discontent with your job, reach out for help. If that does not work, don’t be afraid to plan your transition.  Just do it gracefully. 

2019, like every year, was full of opportunities for learning and growth. Here are five things I’ll share that I plan to keep in mind as I go into 2020.

1. There may be a person in your life who you perceive as your nemesis. It is possible that this person is placed in your life to force you to grow. There are times (and only God knows when)  we are not able to grow and develop into the leader we are intended to be unless we have someone in front of us who we must overcome. These are times when skills are required that have laid dormant in us.  Skills that have been latent, waiting for the proper environment to sprout. It may be skills like the ability to exercise humility, courage to speak your mind, or the capacity to take decisive action. Whatever it is, you needed that “nemesis” to bring this out in you. It may seem counter-intuitive but be thankful for them even if the growth experience was painful.
2. There may be a person whom you perceive as very fragile and incapable of getting their feet underneath them and flourishing. It is possible that with the right supports in place, with a tribe of emotionally healthy friends, the feeding of the mind, body and soul with life-giving practices and the shedding of toxic relationships, a person can come into their own. Their skills, abilities and gifts can surface and thrive. Never underestimate or under-appreciate what a history of childhood trauma can do to a person. Never underestimate or under-appreciate what can be recovered when a healthy and supportive network of caring people begin to nurture someone. 
3. The current environment you see yourself and your organization surrounded by may seem very unfriendly. The likelihood is, however, that the people, positions, and politics making it unfriendly will change. Hang in there. You never know when the leader of another agency you work alongside will take another job, when a friend will become a major player in your local government, a colleague will get a top post in the state government, or the new group of lawmakers decide to make rules and laws that are much more supportive of your industry.
4. If you are in a leadership role, never forget that it is a privilege to be there. It carries with it immense responsibilities. Treat your job with gratitude and treat the relationship with the people you work with as sacred. If no one is following you, you are not leading. You are the chief servant. Put all of the other ideas you have about yourself aside. 
5. It is easy to get caught up in your day-to-day realities. It is easy to see the small space in the universe that you occupy as all there is. When this happens we fail to see the possibilities and potentialities around us.  The world is full of amazing and interesting people doing amazing and interesting things. It is full of beautiful and breathtaking places. It is so important to step away from your work. To take time off. To see people and places you’ve never seen before. It does not necessarily require you to  travel far. Go to art galleries. Go to a museum. Go to the zoo. See the Great Lakes. Go to a national park. See the ocean. Travel to another state or country if you can. These things help you realize that there is much more to life than your job or the circumstances you find yourself in. 

I hope you find this list helpful. I’ve experienced all of it this year. Blessings to you and have a wonderful and meaningful 2020.