I pray a lot. One of the reasons I pray is that  I face problems that require solutions that I do not possess.

The other day I noticed I was feeling a small tinge of hopelessness as I prayed. At that particular moment I was addressing an issue that I had been praying about for a long time.  I moved on to  praying about another problem that too, seemed ominous and difficult. In the midst of my appeal I realized I was  believing  that my prayers might be weaker than the situations I was petitioning for. I was straining and pleading to be heard and was hoping for God to do something overt and powerful but somewhere deep inside I was perceiving  God as distant.

The source of my sense of weakness? My view of God had drifted to a god who was nice and caring but  not a god who could or would step in with force and make things right. My conceptualization of God had slipped into the Christian bookstore, marketing  version of “The Almighty”.  That version is a god whose words and images are displayed nicely on gift mugs and plaques.  Whose thoughts and truths are sold  in book after book after book with nice covers, on everything from marriage, to raising kids, to running a business, to prayer. The Christian bookstore god seems far away. Hard to know. Maybe too far off or passive to  deal with my issues.

I have real problems that require a living God to answer. I need the God  described in ancient Hebrew and Greek texts that answers when people call. The God who wants to step in and be known. I need  a Consuming Fire. I need a  jealous God. I need the God who rides on a white horse and brandishes a double edge sword. I need the God who trains hands for war. I need the  God who casts out the Accuser. I need the  God who made the sun stand still. I need the God whom the demons know and shake with fear of. I need the God who healed the lady with a bleeding disorder. I need  a God who isn’t safe, who no one can see and live.

I’ve known this God and I’ve seen him act.

Abba-Father please help me to keep my understanding of you true. Help me to not allow the many ways you get watered down in our culture change how I approach you and how I think about you.